DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
