What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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