I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
