I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
