I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize