it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
