does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
