So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
