i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
