Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize