chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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