Someone shit on the floor
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
