I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
