I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he puts the penis in happiness.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Too much gin, very little bucket
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
