We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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