I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
