a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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