I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
