the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
