Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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