i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
