i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love having hate sex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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