that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
