At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
