At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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