I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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