I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
