margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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