those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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