I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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