mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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