I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
