Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
