my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
