I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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