The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
