WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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