I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
