we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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