I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
