we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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