So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
