How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
