Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
