I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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