Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
