i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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