I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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