totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
