Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
