That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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