Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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