She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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