her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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