Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
