He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
