so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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