There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
