Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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